3.2 Wise Parenting

Hence, the job of the wise parent is to empty the hearts and minds of their children and fill up their bowels; to weaken aspirations and strengthen their bones;

是以聖人之治, 虛其心, 實其腹; 弱其志, 強其骨.

Our children are growing up in an age where their minds and hearts are constantly being filled up with judgments and prejudices, impressions and stereotypes, and desires and ambitions from popular culture and the media advertisements. Our children are constantly being bombarded with mixed messages about what is cool or important. Many of these values are not our own. Advertisements target children and present false ideas of acceptance, peer pressure tempts children to conform to fabricated images. It has been said that children are like sponges, sucking up everything they come in contact with. As parents one of our most important jobs is to squeeze out these false ideas so that our children can maintain an open mind.

At the same time, children are often led to chase after things that simply bring no lasting satisfaction. As parents, we must do more than just fill our children’s bellies – we must nurture and nourish their bowels and guide them to develop into substantial individuals filled with character. We must help them realize the things that matter most and help them spend their time making true and lasting contributions to themselves, their families, and society. This substance is far more lasting and satisfying than the fleeting things that catch our eye or float around in our minds for a little while.

Thus we must weaken the influence that these external forces have in shaping the decisions our children make. Children are accosted with external ambitions and aspirations – sometimes even from friends and family – of the things they need to do to “fit in” and be successful. At times, these ambitions can scream so loudly at our children that their own voice cannot be heard; often these external aspirations can take up so much mental space in our children’s minds that there is no room left for their own ideas about who they would like to be.

Of course, most parents want to see their children succeed. Instead of focusing on external achievements, the results of which can never be guaranteed, the wise parent focuses on strengthening their children’s frame; teaching and showing them that there their value as a person and their identity is not dependent on the results of their last game or their most recent performance.